Wednesday, March 18, 2015

I am weak...

2 Corinthians 12:9-10: 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Oh how I am weak! How sensitive I am. How easily I am overwhelmed by decisions and the future and with that the danger that comes from trying to figure it out without letting God do that for me. I am weak when I need to hold everything together knowing I'm not big enough to do that. When I'm trying to make a decision and yet so afraid it will be the wrong one because I can't see into the future or when I'm paralyzed by whether or not I am going against God's plan. I am weak when my emotions take over and I can no longer see beyond them. I am weak when I want to move forward in something and yet I'm afraid I will fail. I am weak when God asks me for the pearls of my life, these pearls that I clutch in my hand so tightly. When He says, "Give Me your time. Give Me your money. Give Me your future. Give Me your marriage. Give Me your mind. Give Me your children. Give Me your womb. Give Me your past. Give Me your self-worth (now that's a big one). Give Me your love. Give Me your hope." I am weak when I try to be perfect. When I try to be all things to everyone. When I hold on to my pride. When I seek approval from everyone. I am weak when I am human.

And how many times have I expected for God to get tired of it? How many times have I prayed for forgiveness...AGAIN? How many times have I looked around the room of my life and expected that God has left the building? BUT, He never has. When faces have come and gone, there is One that has not. In fact, He's not just in the room of my life, He's holding up the room of my life. If He left, my room would crumble like sand.

So, I will delight in my weakness. For it is in my weakness that His strength shines. It is in my weakness that glory can be given to God. Because I am not my own. I do not belong to myself or to anything else God asks me to give to Him and as much as I squabble with Him over these pearls of mine, as many times as I give them away to Him and then take them back, He has always been there to receive them again. Because I belong to Him. My pearls belong to Him. My life belongs to Him. Thank you, Christ Jesus.

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